Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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