I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
