His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
