just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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