Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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