Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
