She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
