i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
