Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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