Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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