I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
