College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
