Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
