If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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