i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
