He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
