M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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