oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
