I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
