Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
