there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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