I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
