I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
