I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
