the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
