Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
