just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
