Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
