So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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