4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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