yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
