All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
