you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
