I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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