I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
