If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
