well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
