We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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