dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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