i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
