i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
