My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Come see our sink grown plant.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
