Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
