Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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