last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
