Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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