they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
