Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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