I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
