My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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