you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There are leaves in my underwear?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
