I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't deserve a penis
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
