Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
