I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
