I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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