I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
