I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
