Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
