The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
