are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
