I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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